I'm sorry

Oh, didn’t you open that faster than the way you rushed to the stores today for last minute shopping. Nevertheless, I have come to realise it is much warranted than I had initially expected and so here exists this post. Here goes. I am so very sorry for hurting your feelings this year and for causing you pain of any kind. I am profusely sorry for misunderstanding you and for not giving you the benefit of the doubt.

I sincerely apologize for actions that occurred and for all the sleepless nights and tiresome mornings. I’m sorry about the time you doubted yourself and your intentions and I’m sorry about the time you were left on “read”. I’m dreadfully sorry for the sorrows and woes that you had to experience and I hope that it never happens again.

I’m sorry for not showing up for you on time, like I should have – or believing you over the others. Theoretically, it wasn’t in my control and I will do my level best to always show up in the future. You didn’t deserve the punishment you got and definitely didn’t deserve the cards that were dealt but it has happened. I’m sorry for questioning your loyalty when things got tough and your faith when the lights went out completely.

I am sincerely sorry for mistreating and neglecting your mental health and for not making this apology sooner. However, better late than never, right? I’m sorry for the morning cries, shower cries and the bathroom floor cries. I’m sorry for not being present for the biggest moment of your life. I’m sorry for taking you for granted and hurting you everyday. For the constant back and forward and for the not being true to you and your worth – I apologize because you are so damn worthy of everything good in this world.

In case you were wondering, this apology is to myself. It is long overdue and owes no explanation, no referencing to any exhibit and no mention of any other human being. I’ll leave that to you to wonder and figure it out. I would like to take this public platform opportunity to apologize for the absolutely horrible, treacherous and unfortunately idiotic way I treated MYSELF.

As I head into the New Year, 2025 will be a year I want to remember now. I want to remember it because I never want to repeat it. I never want to make the same ghastly mistakes I made and I never want to be a person of convenience to anyone, anymore.

I want to apologize to myself for being a completely blinded individual for so many years and for allowing myself to trust so easily – a mistake that will never happen again. As I walk into a new chapter of my life, I leave this one open because without it, I wouldn’t have known how to heal. This is something only empathetic and emotionally intelligent people will ever understand – I get that now.

You see emotional intelligence is something very rare and special and if you have it, you are the brightest and smartest person in the room. If there’s anything this last post for 2025 should be remembered for is that, the “wheel turns” the “tables turn” and one day, maybe not today or tomorrow or five years from now – it will turn, a bitter truth that one has to swallow.

I want to be the best version of myself, not because I care about societal demands or what a scripture says. I am going to be the best person I can to the next human being because I am now a mother. What you do to others, will reflect one day in the eyes of your child and I want my daughter to experience only good things and be exposed to only goodness and mercy.

Well, I have apologized to myself and now it’s your turn. Its time don’t you think?