Males and the impact on their mental health

This is a much overdue topic that is somewhat taboo in most households. The mental state of males in our community is increasing at a rapid rate and is often shelved or forgotten about – except by the silent sufferers themselves. During my stay at a psychiatric facility, I was pleasantly surprised to see the male to female ratio being almost equal and had the assumption that the tide was changing and that males of all ages were seeking help just like me.

That relief was shattered when I saw all those posts on social media regarding men and them succumbing to the disease. It opened my eyes to the horrific fact that I was wrong, terribly wrong – there are still males out there that suffer with their mental health and are suffering in silence. To the men reading this, there is no shame in asking for help. I know it’s easy for a female to say this to you but there are so many avenues that are available to you for help. Anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and psychosis does not know gender. It does not make you less of a man to put your hand up and ask for help.

What do I do to get help?

Your first step in any disease related journey is to admit that you have a problem, first with yourself and then with your loved ones. Notice I didn’t say “family”, I chose the words loved ones because they love you and they will support you. Being a male figure is a difficult situation to be in because you feel like you have to be the superworker at work, Hulk at home, macho when you are driving – because God forbid you drive slowly, you get criticised for that too.

By the time you get home, you are expected to still have energy to devote to your loved ones and put on a brave face when all you feel is doom and gloom. You sit there in front of the couch and everyone is babbling away and you just sit there with a thousand thoughts in your mind like, how will I pay this bill or how will I fix the radiator in my car?

The financial, mental, physical and psychological strain that men go through is magnanimous because they don’t release it. It’s bottled up and shakes around like a coke can until you open the can and it explodes into disaster that cannot be undone. Some of you come from homes that are unsupportive and that makes it harder to control and navigate this journey so the best thing to do is pick a friend that you trust. Talk to him about it because usually male to male conversations are easier and another male friend can relate to your life a lot better than another female.

Seek professional help. First start with a GP and just explain everything you feel and if you need to see a specialist – go for it. All healthcare providers provide mental health assistance, be it public or in the private sector. Choose a hobby that used to make you happy be it soccer or cricket. Take one hour to yourself, just like how we get pedicures and do our hair – take the time for yourself and take care of yourself in that way. There is no shame in yoga and meditation and there is no shame in listening to your favourite soothing prayer music. If you have a supportive partner, confide in them. Talk about what is inside of you and be as unfiltered as possible.

We don’t live in the 80s – women work now and contribute to homes too so if finance is a stress, talk about it and budget around certain things. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to the right people or person. Choose someone you trust and lay it out on the table before the parasite within you, eats away at you and sucks the happiness out of you. The amount of pressure you feel in society to always be strong and always have it together is still there however, you don’t have to be strong all the time. That pressure you feel in providing for your family or the pressure you feel as you embark on a journey to provide for your family is not one you will walk through alone.

Men, being not okay is okay. It’s ok if you feel the weight of the world and it’s okay if you feel panicked – what’s not okay is not doing something about it. If you feel like you have absolutely nobody that you can talk to, start writing. Keep a journal. You can even send emails to yourself about how you feel and read it back to yourself so you can be kinder and more gentle on yourself. Join Facebook groups and post anonymously if you want for encouragement.

Take time to yourself. Start with 30 minutes either a walk on the beach or join a gym. If you have the extra time, learn a new hobby that involves movement of your body. If you attend religious services, confide in your pastor or priest or moulana. Your feelings are valid and if you got this far in the article maybe it’s time for a trip to the GP at least. What’s the worst that could happen? If there’s a key takeaway in this piece, it’s this – women don’t always suffer with mental health struggles, men do too and we almost always hear about when it’s too late.

Mental health struggles doesn’t make you less of a man. It does not defy your hard word through the years. It doesn’t defy if you can handle the fast lane on the highway nor does it determine your capacity as a man. To the struggling men out there, we see you, we are behind you and you will regain your spark once more. It’s time you claimed your life back don’t you think?