Lets get into part two. The actual reason for the post lol!

So we have established what unhealthy friendships are and the difficulty in maintaining friendships as adults. In this post I’m going to focus more on how to spot a one sided friendship as well as give you insight on some of my experiences – yet again.

Being an adult is hard. Weekends are not the same as they used to be and when you get married it gets alot harder to stay in touch with many people. Even with people with no partners find it hard to make the time every weekend to pop into a friend’s house or meet for drinks at night. Healthy adult friendships are friendships that don’t need explanations on why you couldn’t attend a function irrespective of the importance. It’s also friendships that don’t require much work that is, chatting everyday, visiting every weekend and all that unnecessary crap. 

A healthy adult friendship is easy. It’s months of not talking and when you finally do, there’s loads to unpack and it seems as though nothing has changed. It requires decreased effort and increased understanding. Bruh, life is tough as it is and there’s so much going on in people’s lives that as much as you would love to make the time, you just can’t. A healthy friendship is one that is not one sided. This means that you are not the only one putting in the effort all the time whilst the other person sits back and waits for you to always make the effort.

One sided friendships is when one friend has a crisis and you rush to them, however if you have a similar crisis, there’s not much care from your friend. I no longer accept one sided friendships. I no longer waste my time on people that claim to be friends with you but aren’t there when you need them at your lowest. If you resonate with this,  I strongly suggest you prioritise your bench and replace people accordingly. A one sided friendship is unhealthy on so many levels. Everything revolves around the other person and again you become the supporting character of the movie. Usually, these types of people are just narcissists that believe that their occurrences in life trump everything and everyone else’s. It’s classic narcissistic behaviour.

As we get older we realise that quality is more important than quantity. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have on Facebook, that is just a social media platform where 80% of the people you call as friends will most likely ignore you in public. When I speak of friends I mean the ones you physically see and talk to. The more friends you have, the more effort each one takes – that sounds likes a lot of hard work and I’m really not a fan of hard work. The more friends you have it’s harder to keep track of the snakes they lurk in the garden of your life meaning, you cannot trust everyone. Imagine if you were to post a picture of you starting your own business and announcing that you are available for legs say, hair and make up or you have a business that’s new doing decor for functions.

You would post it expecting a whole lot of likes and support and shares from your friends however you end up with 10 likes and 3 shares. It’s the same when you buy a new car, you never really know the intention of certain people in your circle. 

I will always prefer a small circle (more like a dot) of friends because it’s usually of higher quality people. These guys drop what they are doing and are there for you just as much as you are there for them.

Also, remember there is a huge difference between a friend and an acquaintance. An acquaintance is just someone you bump into and chat for a little bit but you don’t really disclose much information about your life however a close friend, you can spend hours in the middle of the aisle blocking trolleys and catching up. I have always been a believer of choosing quality rather than quantity. Having 50 friends is not practical and it’s highly unlikely all 50 will show up for you. 

You also have friends with hidden agendas as you get older. There are some people that want to be in your circle of friends for their own gain. You could be a metro officer and one of the 50 friends will remain close to you in case of their own needs. You could also be a panel beater and one of the 50 friends could just be using you for their vehicle issues. The list goes on and on with adult friendships however the main take away is that it must be an easy relationship.

A real friend would listen and then give advice and also a habit that I really don’t like is when certain friends don’t necessarily get along with your partner. If your partner treats you like human excrement then yes your friend has every right to intervene however if you and your partner have the normal squabbles, then it’s not in your friends capacity to try and come between you and your partner.

You should be able to vent to your friends (provided it’s not everyday) and they should be able to calm you down by the end of the conversation.

A good friend supports your decisions no matter how stupid they can be because ultimately they will be there to support you. A good friend should steer you in the right direction and not force you to take ten shots on a night out when they know you have a family waiting at home for you or if you are driving home. A good friend understands that life gets busy, life gets turbulent and it can be impossible to reply instantly to a text message. 

A good friend should be there to slap you in the face with facts but lovingly given you advice. In my opinion, that’s a good friend. 

As usual don’t feel shy, let me know what you think.

Till next time....