Part 2: The sequel to My story absolutely nobody asked for lol

Get the popcorn ready

In part one I divulged a lot of personal experiences and although it may have been too much for some of you, I wanted to be as truthful as possible. I found myself in a negatively charged interaction that made me feel uneasy and "heavy". Slowly avoiding the black hole of depression I took a look at my life and decided to make some changes. Before I get into that, you are probably wondering what "heavy" means.

When life gets "heavy" and when I say heavy I mean losing someone you love, pressure from work or home (or both), it could be negative interactions with people that leave you feeling disturbed or even stress that snowballs into a catastrophe... what are we supposed to do?

When life gets heavy and when you feel your shoulders tense up, the headaches are more frequent and when you find yourself constantly over analyzing a situation- it's time to take a step back. You feel your heart bursting out of your chest and every phone call or email makes you stress out- even if it's a simple task. Taking a step back allows you to properly navigate what in the world is actually bothering you and breaking down piece by piece the cause of the heavy heart thay you have. If we look at our social lives, the people we engage with makes life heavy for us and you have to make the decision on whether you want to continue this friendship/relationship or slowly step back. This includes family- our biggest support and one of our biggest triggers of stress.

If we look at another environment, let's say our working environment, most of us applied for the position right? You made the choice to join a company and obviously you joined because, well... you need money to pay the bills. You get the job and now it's not quite what you expected. You feel stuck in this vicous cycle of stress due to your workload, the idiots you work with or interactions you are forced to have with the people that leaves you feeling like your battery is at 0%

 Looking at our work environment, there's only two things you can change:

1. Change your work environment and get a new job.

2. If you can't find a new job, change your approach to the people that bring you to the brink of disaster.

Sometimes listening to unhealthy venting make YOU feel as though you have the burdens that the person described and it leaves you feeling tense, uneasy and Perplexed. Energy attracts energy. If you are constantly surrounding yourself with negative Nani's then obviously your mindset on something will change. Let me give you my own personal experience. An old friend used to call me almost daily to complain about her life and complain about ridiculous crap and I mean really stupid things. Over time I absorbed that and began to also question my own life trajectory. People that vent are always welcome to vent to me however, by the end of the conversation if the person does not take your advice, it's their circus.

Work related Heaviness is difficult to navigate and almost every other day I have a slight mental breakdown and tell myself "This is my job, I need to fix this the best way I can and do the best I can" and that's it really. I often look back on days where I felt depressed and in that hole of absolute darkness and questioned myself "How dare I  do this to myself because of a situation?"

When you pick up a box that's heavy and you walk a few steps and realize "Nope, not for me" you put the box down and ask for help or if you are like me, I carry one box at a time. Focus on your brain in the same context. When something gets heavy, ask for help with the situation or alternatively handle one task at a time. Nobody cares how long it takes for a building to be erected, we drive through the construction, and all they care about is the safety and stability the building will have. It's the same for your beautiful, chaotic mind. You will always be a work in progress.

You owe yourself the best life possible because it's the only investment you will ever see a return in... ahhh, profound right? Really think about that though. When life gets heavy it means it's time to take a break. It means something is too much for you to handle right now at this time. It took me a long time to realize what it feels like when life gets heavy and I'm still navigating that journey and honestly talking about how you feel to someone you trust is the biggest step. If the load gets heavier- seek help.

I don't know about you, but watching my parents work as hard as they did to give me a better life is not going to go in vain. Our parents struggled through life to make ours "easier" but look at us... messed up individuals comparing ourselves to what we see on social media as a benchmark of where we should be in life. These seemingly perfect people show you what THEY want you to see. Don't compare your life to theirs!

Remember when we were little and our teacher asked us about what we wanted to be in life? I ask myself that every day (not kidding), however I would recommend that the answer shouldn't be career related, your answer should be HAPPY. How many of you are actually 100% happy in every aspect of your life? How many of you feel dread on a Sunday because Monday is looming and how many of you are absolutely miserable in a relationship? Is that really how you want to live? Of course not! You deserve a life worth living because there's someone in a hospital somewhere wishing they had the liver or lung that you have. There are people on waiting lists for organs as we speak and here we are going through life sluggishly and unhappily.

The last thing I want you to remember is that although the job you have may be shitty and crappy but there are people out there unemployed and pray for the job you have right now. How many people do you see at traffic lights asking for work or food and we sit in our cars, blast our music and have no idea when last that person had a decent meal.

I don't want to make you feel guilty for what you have because you worked your way there.. fair enough, however practicing gratitude for what you have will bring you more peace than you ever imagined because you realize this life may not be as bad as its played out in your mind. You woke up today- someone else may have buried their loved one. You ate today- someone went hungry to bed. You dread Sundays- someone is at home praying for a job to go to on a Monday morning. With that said, how do we rewire our self corrupted mind? God didn't put these thoughts in there, I did. God didn't exaggerate my insecurities- I did. I need to rewire the wires in my brain by simply telling myself that yes, life may be one big ball of crap today but there's still tomorrow and the next day and the day after that to appreciate the tree that gives us shade, the father and husband I have, the sister and cousins in my life as well as my supportive friends and colleagues (certain ones). It's easy to say this yet extremely difficult to practice it however, start with one thing everyday.  Start in the morning- thank you I am alive and I have a new day, a whole 24 hours to do what makes me happy. Im trying to limit my complaining in a day. So I give myself 10 minutes to complain and if its not on my mind in that 10 minutes, it wasn't as important as I made it out to be. I refuse to live in the misery compartment of life- my outfit doesn't match the aesthetic. You can even do evening gratitude exercises for instance, thank you for this day and for the food I was able to eat.

In order for me to get rid of Heaviness I made huge life changes (not the gym) in order to live a life that's meaningful for me. I have made the executive decision to remove any unsupported devices (people) from my organization (my life) in order to move forward to what lies ahead for my future. I have made the decision to accept the absolute mess I am and embrace every single flaw of myself to rid myself of my insecurities and my self doubt. I have many insecurities and so do you and so does even the most beautiful people on social media. Those filters give you confidence but let's not overdo it. Feel free in the skin you are in because it's what you have and how you were made. For me to lighten the load I reshuffled my own cabinet by getting rid of people that don't support me, that don't stand up for me and for the people interrupt what I have to say (like the Sona 2024-kudos Cyril). I have checked out of relationships (family included- actually mostly) because it serves no purpose if I don't have peace or receive the love and support in my times pf despair.

I will only give my time and attention to the people that match my energy and match my vibes. Irrespective of who you are in my life- if you don't bring me peace, money or love- you ain't worth it. It's time we take back our lives and live a life that is as "light" as possible because today might be your last, so why waste even a moment on irrelevant situations. This may ruffle some feathers as most people will say "family is important", I agree but, the only family  you will ever need are the ones that hug you extra tighter when you leave, the ones that call you here and there and most importantly the ones that show up when you ate going through the most.

It's time to re-claim your life. I hope this helps someone, somewhere.

Take care guys and lighten the load. It may be a bad day, never a bad life.