Social anxiety and it’s role in your mental health

As humans, we require social interaction and we need it for a multitude of reasons such as maintaining healthy relationships. With that said, what happens when your anxiety gets in the way of things? What happens when you have social anxiety and can’t control it? Settle in, this is a long one.

I dread having functions at my house. I feel like there will be a whole lot of people there and even if you feel like absolute shiiiid, you are the host and you have to entertain. Weeks, sometimes even months before an event takes place hosted by myself, I feel overwhelmed and actually dread the entire thing no matter how small or large the occasion is. I have this feeling of ‘How will I get through this without coming across as nervous” or “Will someone say something that triggers a negative feeling?”

I have ridiculous thoughts and it’s absolute lunacy how I can go on and on in my head about all the negative aspects and I never focus on the wonderful part which is, being with family and friends. I am a sensitive person however I’m also strong willed. I like things the way I like it and not by anyone else’s standard. My home is a humble home and it’s nothing fancy and it absolutely annoys me when there are some nosey Nancy’s that ask way too many questions such as, “When are you guys planning on sorting this out?” Or “You should have chosen this colour for your table”. I take it personally and I don’t like it when people suggest what I should change about my home or anything for that matter. Unless someone is asked for their opinion, then only it should be given. 

Social anxiety usually peaks as I’m getting ready to leave the house. And continues increasing as I actually arrive at the venue. I think about who will be there, if I’m appropriately dressed, what kind of conversations should I have and so much more. When I arrive outside the establishment I tell myself it’s Game Time and put on the best smile possible. I usually greet as many people as I can because I hate coming across as rude and usually head towards the older crowed first because they have a way of making you feel comfortable. After I gained some confidence, I head towards my age group and hope for the best. Some people just make you feel uncomfortable so I leave them for last.

I don’t know about you but after an event, I feel absolutely mentally exhausted and I usually need the next day to recover. I don’t know if I’m alone in this regard but legit, after any wedding, party or whatever involving more than 20 people I need the next day to sleep it off and it feels somewhat like a hangover. I call it my social battery being flat. When I’m not feeling the best I force the inner butterfly to flutter around and talk to people and amidst all of that I absorb their energy. 

Every person you engage with has a particular type of aura and energy and the more time you spend with them, the more it rubs off on you. If someone has awful energy and a dark aura, you tend to feel drained after the conversation because with those types of people, conversations are usually complaints about that or the other. I strongly believe that energy rubs off on everyone and if someone has a negative energy force, that directly impacts your aura and your own energy. Have you ever heard of the phrase “ Protect your energy”? Well that’s what it means. 

If you also experienced this type of situation my advice is to only surround yourself with people that have positive energy. If by mid conversation, you notice that all the person tends to do is complain, then excuse yourself from the conversation.

If you are an introvert, social anxiety is probably something you experience more often than most people and you definitely look for any excuse to get out of attending anything unless you absolutely have to. Introverts prefer their own space and like to choose to communicate with smaller groups of people instead of a whole host of guests at a wedding or party. I’m in a tough and awkward situation because I am an extrovert. I love socialising (to an extent), love making new friends and I can start up a conversation with almost anyone. I do have a social threshold (as I’d like to call it) and once I reach it, I become almost like a Venus fly trap after it has caught it’s prey. I shut down quite easily.

Everyone is different and you get many people who have social anxiety just for specific occasions and just around certain people. I am one of those people. It completely depends on who will be there and what the party is all about. The reason I say this is because with some people I feel like I have to rehearse what to say to start a conversation or remember points in my head to maintain a conversation. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with those people but it’s just the way I feel around them.

With other people, I am able to be myself for longer periods and actually enjoy their company and participate in conversations. I don’t have social anxiety towards every person or towards every event, I guess it purely depends on who will be in attendance. Iv never been much of a fan of pointless and meaningless conversations, so I tend to avoid people that generally bring that up.

If you suffer from social anxiety, there are some techniques that I use to help me overcome it: JUST DON’T ATTEND. I’m just kidding. There are invitations from close friends and family that you will probably not be able to ignore unless their interactions  in the past were negative. In that situation, always choose to protect your peace and don’t attend. Don’t be the guy or the girl sitting in the back refusing to dance and just looking miserable as people pass you by. There is no rifle pointed at you, you don’t have to attend. 

Another tip to not feel as overwhelmed as you normally would is limit the amount of time you spend with each person, that way you don’t get sucked in to their world and have to listen to their endless nonsense. Preventing burnout from a mental point of view is difficult and I’m not promising that you won’t feel socially hungover the next morning but by picking the company you choose to spend your time with, it definitely reduces the negative feelings.

I am a strong believer of energy and transfer of energy. Have you noticed that when you speak to someone with so much negativity, you tend to question your own life or your own career or whatever the conversation was about. However, if you speak with a person with high frequency energy and positivity (not to the point where it’s sickening), you tend to walk away from that conversation a changed person with a new perspective on life. 

My social battery as I’d like to call it can only take so much social activity for a day. Afterwards you will find me curled up on the couch indulging in candy or watching pointless cat videos. I do tend to wake up the next morning slightly miserable irrespective of how the night went however, it does tend to pass. 

Having social anxiety affects both introverts and extroverts but in possibly different ways. If you are an introvert, being around many people can be quite daunting and if you are an extrovert, you are probably giving off your precious energy where it is not needed and being the social butterflies that we are,  we probably chatted from person to person not realising how much of our “battery”  is being depleted.

In my opinion and in my own experiences I made a list of a few things that can help social anxiety. Firstly, you don’t have to attend everything you are invited to. If people take offence, then they obviously don’t know you. There is no harm in saying you can’t make it. This gives you some control over the situation. Secondly, if you can’t avoid it then always try to go later than the time given. I know it’s rude but by the time you get there, people would already be in groups chatting away and you can choose which group you feel the most comfortable with. Thirdly, perhaps have an alcoholic beverage just to feel a little more relaxed if you normally drink alcohol. If you don’t indulge in alcohol find another beverage. Idea number 4, if you are stuck in a meaningless and negative conversation, excuse yourself by saying you need a refill on your drink and disappear for a while. 

The social anxiety hangover kit is simple: basically all you do is relax all day and use this time to recharge the social battery as you would charge your phone. Pretend your battery is on zero and spend half the day indoors and the other half of the day doing something soothing and relaxing outside. Many people don’t understand what a social anxiety hangover is but it’s basically the day after the event, you wake up feeling miserable, tired, wanting to isolate and sometimes you even have headaches and you just want to be alone or you may even feel depressed.

I’m no doctor but I honestly think the reason I feel like this is because of the amount of people I engaged with at a social gathering and their energy bouncing off mine. Each person I spent time with, also had access to my energy and I had access to their energy. I feel like the reason I feel miserable the next day is because just like a cell phone after it is being used for so many hours to do certain things, humans also have a social battery that can go flat and you feel the effects of it. I stand to be corrected though, it’s just what I think...

Enough of my blabber... Hope you enjoyed this one. It was slightly longer but I hope I made sense.

Till next time!