Some days are better than others

When you suffer from any kind of illness be it a cardiac issue, cancer, kidney disease or an autoimmune disease, no two days are alike. It's the same with someone suffering from a mental health disorder - no two days are the same.

One day you could be upbeat and living your best life and the next day all you want to do is make the horrible emotions go away. Some days the heart palpitations aren't as bad and when you speak you don't swallow your words as you speak to someone and other days, it takes a little more effort to get passed the word salad in your brain. You can enjoy conversations and be in the moment and actually absorb what someone is saying.

Sometimes I feel like 10 second Tom (from 50 first dates) because I can have a conversation with someone and forget completely what they said, this happens when my anxiousness is at its peak. There's days where I will go up to someone I know and strike up and conversation and other days where I would rather hide behind a tree or duck underneath someone's car. I have done one of the two - I'd rather not say which one.

What I will say is that at no point in anyone's mental health journey should their treatment and medicine ever be questioned by anyone. That just is not okay to do. The stigma attached to medication and depression and anxiety is so evident and is the butt of so many jokes. That is not okay. You will never know the true feelings of a person with a mental health condition until you go through it - unfortunately I had to say that even though I don't wish this upon anyone.

People on medication also don't enjoy being on medication because most of the time they feel robotic and sometimes even disoriented through the day. We don't take it to get high or to feel happy. We take it to survive. When a person is diagnosed with diabetes, the doctor will write a script for Metformin or insulin. Nobody criticises that. Antihypertensive medication is also prescribed because high blood pressure is extremely serious. If you have a family member on it, please don't give them the advise that medication is bad and they should try herbal supplements or eat healthy foods so they won't feel anxious. IT DOES NOT WORK.

I am so over hearing that a mental disease can be cured by just praying and praying for it to disappear (like we enjoy this feeling everyday)

Sure prayer is helpful and extremely important. It's important to go to God with all your hearts desires however, I will not tolerate someone saying "I speak anxiety into my life"... Because yeah this anxiety bus is super fun.

Just because you can't see someone's illness or pain doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It's like when you complain of a headache, you don't know the intensity of the actual pain nor do you know what the person is actually feeling. Don't ever assume that you do.

There are some days whereby the sunset is peaceful to watch and other days it hits you with sunset sadness as you feel you didn't accomplish your goals for the day. Sometimes your mornings go well and you can do so many things and even get your exercise routine in and other mornings where your legs feel like logs of a tree and it's a struggle to get the basics done. By no means am I encouraging self pity. I am being realistic and saying "It's ok if you feel this way and it doesn't make you a heathen or someone weak". This is not a disease that magically goes away especially if you have a chemical imbalance that is causing the anxiety and depression.

I am actually quite frustrated with how the world sees mental health sufferers. They see us as people that are downers or they say that we should try this and try that and do more running and meditate. Okay, Susan I'll try to definitely meditate during an attack and I'm sure I'll be fine as I fight for my breath and with each inhale take about three small inhales to finally get to a decent breathing routine.

As I said earlier, just because you can't see the diagnosis doesn't mean it isn't there. Mental health disorders don't come with a medical bracelet that says "prone to panic attacks". A person suffering with this disorder may look fine on the outside but is fighting demons on the inside. A person with a suit, dressed beautifully going to work everyday could be on schedule 5 anxiolytics.

If you see us smiling, let us smile... Let us laugh and let us be free - don't be an Arnold and say that we are probably faking it. Being depressed isn't a 24/7 job, I mean even depression needs a time out and it needs to recharge. It's time people became kinder to other people irrespective of what they are going through or if they have a mental illness or not. It's time to stop telling people how to heal because each person is different. Some days are good and some days are bad - it doesn't mean that we are faking it.

The next time you see someone, smile at them and make eye contact, don't be creepy and weird though. It's just a way to help someone you don't know that may need that smile to get them through even five minutes of their day. It's time people stopped stigmatising anxiety and depression and bipolar disorder because it's here. It's here in all it's glory and it's hard. It's hard to be in that category - we didn't choose it and we have done all we can to heal. We will just heal at our own pace, all we ask for is kindness and understanding from you and the rest of the world.

Remember warriors, no two days are the same so don't lose faith. This too shall pass.

Till next time.