The root, the bark, the branches and the fruits of depression

It’s time to talk about depression, the happiness thief.

When I think of the roots of depression (in a tree format), I think about the causes of depression and how over time those roots can get thicker and thicker and more deeper into the ground. Imagine your brain being the ground and the roots of depression just sinking in and growing rapidly stronger and stronger. What do you think waters these roots? Could it be your tears considering it’s liquid? Or could it be thoughts because intrusive thoughts can make those roots thicker. 

As the tree grows bigger and taller, it’s bark becomes thicker and stronger. It produces branches within which contains all of your depressive emotions and finally there’s bearing of fruit – that’s when it starts to get better. Not everyone may know their root cause of depression however I’m going to name a few factors and maybe one will stick out for you. Factors such as unemployment, unhealthy working spaces, toxic relationships, insecurity, infertility, genetic reasons, having an unfaithful partner, working for a toxic company, being retrenched, losing valuable assets because you can’t maintain them, as well death of a loved one. 

For instance, if you work in a toxic work environment and are extremely drained by the time you go home because of the horrible energies around you, it is a tiny root of your depression. As time goes by you become more miserable and the root gets thicker and the longer you remain in that environment, the deeper the root manages to sink itself. You become frustrated and tears flow thereby watering this feeling. The bark of the tree, is you. It’s how the depression manifests itself to you and the outside world. You become miserable, hardened, irritable, angry, isolated, lonely, stressed, anxious or sometimes even numb to the depression you are going through. You might feel empty because your work environment is not challenging enough or rewarding enough. You also might feel restless and as if you are not fully doing justice to the line of work you are doing.

Then we move onto the branches of the tree, which is usually how we appear to the outside world and how we behave with the outside world. The branches represent a multitude of feelings like anger and frustration and you tend to be angry and frustrated at the world. A tree has many branches so you can imagine the feelings. 

This applies to other roots of depression for instance having an unfaithful partner which is the root of your depression. Always remember when it comes to infidelity the roots have nothing to do with you but the person that commits the act. They are the insecure one’s and not you. You are a victim of it. You found out your wife cheated on you and you (your bark) feels horrid, disgusted, angry, upset and hurt, disappointed, lost and confused. You don’t know where to go from here. The depression kicks in and the feeling of being lost and losing yourself becomes more and more intense. You ask yourself “Why is this happening? What went wrong? What did I do?” I’m going to leave infidelity for another post but a quick summary is this, the person that stepped out of the relationship is the insecure one, they will go their whole lives seeking validation because they are not secure in the person they are. Their greed to have things you couldn’t provide will increase and continue until they come to their own realisation. They don’t feel enough so they seek attention from anywhere that’s available.

Back to the branches, to the outside world you are physically exhausted and mentally exhausted and it’s apparent to all your friends and family. You are furious but have no energy to express your anger because you feel defeated. To the outside world you have moments have emotional breakdowns or emotionally shut down. You feel the feelings grow more and more negative and the branches of your depression become longer emitting loneliness, seeing everything in black and white and lacking colour in your life and most importantly, you feel like you have lost your identity completely and you don’t know what you are to do with yourself anymore. 

I didn’t mention the fruit yet but I’m getting there...

In both scenarios, the root of depression is usually the cause however not everyone has a root cause and the depression and maybe caused by a chemical imbalance (which is what I have).

A chemical imbalance is difficult because you can’t pin point why you feel the way you feel and there’s no actual reason for it. You can’t say “I’m depressed because my dog died” because after mourning the loss of your beloved fur baby, life will go on and you will carry on with your normal life. In both the scenarios above, the root causes can be broken down and you can make sense of it and heal and move forward. It helps to do a diagram – find the root of the problem and tackle it from there. If you work in a toxic environment – it’s time to move away or change your approach to people if you can’t move employment just yet. If you can’t get out of a toxic environment, remember you are there to do your job and go home. Too much emotional attachment to what you do will screw you over.

In the scenario of infidelity, remember that was never in your control in the first place. The other person was insecure or maybe incomplete in their life which led them to go searching for some kind of fulfilment. They will search their whole life for this because nobody can make you feel secure or fulfilled besides yourself. Even in this situation, you know the root cause and you know the facts of what has happened. The only you can do for your own mental wellbeing is to ask for help from the people around you whenever you need it and never be ashamed of the situation. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is the most bravest thing you could ever do. 

Depressed people often feel like they aren’t enough. They aren’t enough for their partners, they aren’t enough at work, they aren’t enough for their kids, they are never enough for their entire family and they actually believe in this. That’s what depression does to you, it breaks you down like Legos until all that’s left is a shell. If you feel like you are a shell right now, then the next part is for you.

Remember the fruit on the tree? Just like any other tree, this tree will eventually produce the sweetest fruit. Once the tree is ready to blossom again (much like you), bunches of sweet, luscious and colourful fruit will appear. It will represent your healing and represent the new you. Notice how you didn’t need to chop the tree down? All you had to do was give it time and when the fruit blossomed, so did you.

Depression doesn’t have to be a walk alone. Sure you are entitled to your own space when you need it but try not to shut everyone out of your life – they care for you and the right ones will be the ones waiting for you when you are ready. This is not a prison sentence and it’s time we break free from the bondage of this horrid disease and not let it steal a single moment of our lives.

Well, that’s my babble about depression – let me know what you think in the comments or if you feel better messaging me privately, that’s ok too....

Till next time!