The unspoken pain of suicide

I know this is a very hard piece to get through and if you have a loved one that has been through it, this is the post you need to read.

Suicide. What goes on in the minds of the people that commit this act? Isn't that the question you sat there and thought of as you saw them lie in that wooden box? Why? What was so grievous that they couldn't come to you? Suicide is not a cowardly act. It's not them taking the easy way out and it's not them abandoning their problems.

It's them feeling like the world and their families would be happier without them. They felt like their problems were never ending and almost impossible to get out of. They felt they have failed at something or failed someone. It could be the loss of a business, a financial set back that seemed huge at the time, they could have felt like a burden or they could have lost something they thought they would never get back for example maybe their child was taken away or maybe they lost their job.

They couldn't handle the shame or face the people they love the most because they didn't want to disappoint them. Most people that take their own life are intelligent, smart, happy go lucky and full of life when you first encounter them but as life throws you swords, they cut deep and the deeper they go, the quicker they fade away.

Suicide is not a selfish act. It's a self less act. You feel as though life for everyone around you that you love and care for would be much better if you weren't around with your mountain of problems. Financial stress, marital woes, work pressure, loss of one's income and lack of self esteem and weakness all contribute to their decision. Their decision to leave this world doesn't involve anyone besides themselves. They don't commit this act because of a fight with someone or anything like that. Their decision is their own and involves what goes on in their own mind.

In that split second, they don't think about their kids growing up without them and being sad - they feel like life will go on for them for the better. Their mind tells them that if they weren't here, peace will be restored if there was conflict. They don't think about the funeral procession and about how their family will be in complete despair - they think about that day coming and going and that everyone else will eventually get over it and move on without them and their complications.

Many religions, households and cultures unfortunately see this act as a sin. To me, I don't believe it's a sin. It was a matter of consequence. Everything that led up to that point seemed too big to break down and work through so they figured there is no possible solution and there's nobody to blame for that.

In those final moments, some may write a note to explain whilst others feel writing a note would be much harder and wanted to leave with all their secrets within them. People always ask "did they leave a note?" And usually they do or they start rounding up their assets and wait for the perfect time to get it done. Those that don't tend to leave a note wishes to be remembered for how they once were and not divulge their deepest darkest secrets.

Minutes, hours and days leading up to the act is the most crucial and they feel like every part of their plan must be executed to perfection to avoid their plan failing. This is why they choose the methods they choose. Some are set on going through it so they research all the necessary information and pick a time that allows them enough time for their plan to succeed.

I ask you today to change your perspective on suicide. They haven't taken the easy way out, infact in that moment, the amount of bravery they had was one that could be unmatched. The thought of never coming back and never kissing your kids and partner takes a lot of bravery. The thought of missing out on every milestone in their lives take great bravery, even though you may not understand that part. They didn't do it because there was a major fight the night before and they didn't do it because of the failed marriage or relationship. They did it because they couldn't be brave and they couldn't let them know.

If you have lost a loved one, friend or a acquaintance to suicide, understand that there was nothing you could do to fix them. There was no amount of calls or texts that would have changed their minds. They just couldn't come to you because they possibly felt guilt, shame and felt like alot of work.

Sometimes even the wealthiest of people have thought about it at some point because they lack inner peace. All that money but something is missing. They spend days on end trying to figure out what's missing but it never reveals itself until you seek help from the people you trust. Having a mental health disorder is not easy and can be taxing on all aspects of your body especially your mind so if you know you have a mental health disorder I cannot stress enough that you should seek help.

Sitting in the sun is not going to make suicide go away. Sitting in the sun and enjoying nature will lift your moods and help remove the darker parts of your thoughts to wean off. If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts and mental health issues, talk about it to people you feel comfortable with. Never place the blame game over your self as the surviving member,

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I now go back to the topic of suicide. The person's thoughts are their own and you have a depressed person seeking for a permanent way out for a number of reasons. Look, you may not be able to fully understand and that's ok. That's what friends are for right? Just to sit and listen is more than enough.

I hope you found this out useful..

Till next time